Uncategorized

Rich Layers of Happiness & Joy in the Fabulous Unknown

In my last blog entry, I said I was diving. Deep is the assumption and the right one. I feel like I have said that before and I probably have. I hope I find myself saying it again and again. I want to experience the richness of human-ship and I feel like that involves layers.

Layers I cannot currently see or anticipate. They can only be experienced as I arrive to each one.

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brain energy, kick ass, Observations, Uncategorized

The Oneness of Creativity

Settle in and pour a glass. I got wordy on this one…

I am at a point in my life where I am really diving into all aspects of my creativity. I’ve dabbled. Now I’m diving. I feel sorta like the young 20-something in art school, trying all the things until my voice, my particular style and my methods come together to form my own brand of creative expression. Except I’m a 40-something and I’m piecing my “art school” education together via online classes, books, observation and life experience. Why didn’t I do this when I was actually in my twenties? Hell, why does anybody wait or hold back? I had my reasons and they made me who I am. So I can handle starting brand new things even while “the voices” whisper awful things like it’s too late for me. I know enough now to call bullshit on “the voices”. Continue reading

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Observations, Uncategorized

Vulnerability and the thing about thoughts

I love Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection, etc. She’s from Texas (which tells you so much, right there). She is so much spunk mixed in with a high degree of intellect plus a wicked sense of humor. I bet she could make the most boring research topics the most fun things to listen to. I clicked to a talk of hers shared on Facebook today and it featured her core research topic, vulnerability, and how it related to creativity. It got me thinking about how her research plays in with Continue reading

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Uncategorized

Legal High

My poor neglected blog! I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve posted  – stuff has been going on. Interesting stuff that might have made for some good blogging…

To tell it like it is, I’m coming out of what I will call a slump. What Martha Beck would call square 1 – the place where the metaphoric caterpillar turns into goo before emerging as a beautiful butterfly. I got it into my head that I was feeling wounded. That I needed healing. That I was stuck. That there was some stuff I hadn’t wanted to look at but was finally ready to. Another leveling up in the never ending ascension to that holy grail of higher consciousness. And I was coming off the pill (there’s a conspiracy book in me regarding those nasty things and how they numb women out – damn it!). TMI? Sorry… it’s part of what was going on in my world. I just didn’t feel plugged in and so in a flash of wisdom that I had the wisdom to listen to, I’ve been keepin’ it on the down low and spending lots of time chilling out, journaling and freaking out because I wasn’t feeling “plugged in”. Then realizing that the freak out thoughts were neither productive nor true which went a long way towards their evaporation. I’m feeling so much more me now – definitely plugged in! – so on to why I’m inspired to post. Continue reading

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kick ass, NaNoWriMo, Observations

NaNoWriMo 2013 – Recap

It’s been a little bit since I won NaNoWriMo with my word count of 50,359. I still have two or three (?) more chapters to finish my book but I will finish it. I’ve lost a little momentum due to life making writing difficult to prioritize… and there!… Did you see that?! How I tried to blame life for not writing? That is probably the number one benefit to doing NaNo. Writing WAS the priority. I could have written over the last few weeks. I chose not to. Continue reading

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Observations, ow!, personal

Just go!

I did something really dumb yesterday evening. I heard the Christmas parade going on a few blocks from my house and I wanted to go. It was a strange 70ish° in December and I chose to ditch the opportunity to stand in the warmth and watch various Christmas scenes roll slowly by. Instead, I went to get dog food and pizza. It wasn’t even good pizza. Good dog food though, ’cause I love those guys. Why did I do something so foolish? Because I was feeling a little blue about the holidays. It was a temporary sadness; One that shouldn’t have been ignored. Ignoring feelings is never such a great idea. But since it had to do with this odd perception that I was missing out, choosing not to go was a silly choice. It wasn’t the one that would have made me smile. So, next time I feel like going somewhere and doing something, I am going to do it. Seems to me that a life well lived won’t get lived well unless I live it that way. Simple stuff. It’s always the simple stuff.

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NaNoWriMo

The Daily NaNo (WriMo) – week 4

Day 22 and 23: I forgot to update the blog with my progress yesterday. Actually, that’s a lie, I remembered as I was headed to bed but decided against the idea of firing up the computer again. I was tired, damn it! Although, I was chagrined today – chagrined? That’s not the right word. Let’s go with humbled instead. I was humbled today a couple of times about the subject of being tired. Once when reading this article from a woman named Linda Tirado about some of the thought processes of people who are chronically poor and why they are chronically poor. One line in the article: “Rest is a luxury for the rich.” Given that girl’s schedule, I can understand that girl’s attitude. She is busting her ass! Then while I was out doing a little shopping for my trip to NYC coming up next week (and doesn’t that sound just so la-te-da!), the clerk checking me out was chatting with her coworkers about how she’d already worked 8 hours – her day started at 7am and she was happy to be off the day after Thanksgiving so she could be out with the other shoppers. My first thought when I heard her say that was ‘why in the hell would you be out buying stuff if you have to work two jobs??’ Um, my guess is see exhibit A (the first link). Linda Tirado talks about why the poor make choices that don’t make a lot of sense sometimes – because the short term, very temporary substitution for bliss in those poor choices is all they have to look forward to. And here I am, feeling a little tired because I chose to take on a project like NaNoWriMo. However, for the record, I am not putting myself down. I have actually been where Linda is. I have been that poor before. I am not rich now but I have enough that I don’t have to sweat the bills. Continue reading

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NaNoWriMo

The Daily NaNo (WriMo) – week 3

Day 15: I decided to take myself out on a date tonight and saw the sweetest movie, About Time. I absolutely loved it and I am so glad I went. I think I understand now what Julia Cameron was talking about in the Artist’s Way when she directs her readers to go on artist dates. It filled me up to go out and enjoy a movie because I LOVE movies. And frankly, while I usually love being a happy little hermit inside my cozy little cottage, I really just did not want to be home alone this evening. There have other times when I have thought about going out on my own and I’ve talked myself out of it for whatever reason. Tonight, I realized the only reason that I was playing with the idea of staying home was because of my NaNo quota for the day. So I made myself a deal: go to the movie, enjoy it and write like hell once I was back. (We won’t talk about how much time I spent fucking off before the movie, mainly because I got an idea that I really, really liked for the book. Jotting that down made up for all the fucking off.) Continue reading

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NaNoWriMo

The Daily NaNo (WriMo) – week 2

  • Day 8: It took me a while to get going. Well, actually I fucked around on Facebook and goofed off for a little bit. But the writing got done and I’m happy with it. As happy as anyone can be with their own work. You know what that means, right? LOL Some of it I like; Most of it I think is drivel. I have zero objectivity. But I am enjoying the work and that is awesome. NaNo is teaching me that I can focus when I need to. I can sit my ass in the chair and do the work. Ooh, and then the voices start barking… ‘it’s only week one, don’t get cocky!’ Yeah, yeah. I hear ya. Word count: 1652
  • Day 9: This was supposed to be a writing marathon day. Maybe that intimidated me or something. Despite my best intentions, I had a really hard time getting to work. Funny, after my writing yesterday that I was learning to focus. Of note (and of value), I know how I screwed this up. I got up in my head and let thoughts and indecision ping pong around in my head until I simply ran out of time. I didn’t plan my day according to what was really a priority for me and here we are. I am pissed off at myself even though, of course, I realize the futility of that. I don’t intend to stay pissed off. And okay, pissed off is too strong a term. I’m not pissed off. I’m disappointed. I’ll do better tomorrow. Word count: 1514
  • Day 10: Ass welded to chair is how I got this done today. For some crazy reason, weekends are hard for writing. You’d think with more free time, it would be the opposite but not so. As I was writing today, noticing how hard it was to get words to come out of my fingers, I remembered what I heard Angela Lauria talk about in a recent interview about writer’s block. How it was really a gift from what she calls your “inner author” that something in your work isn’t right or something needs doing that the author isn’t doing and so the “inner author” will shut it all down until the problem is fixed. She said it much more eloquently than that. Like, it made sense when she said it. I am not sure I can put two words together and have them make sense at this point. But I got where I needed to go quota wise so I am happy. Tomorrow, when I can think again, I will do some of the back end work that my “inner author” is screaming for. Right now, I’m going to go have myself some popcorn and some red wine – this seems to be the official NaNo dinner – and relax in front of the boob tube for a while. Oh, and I got to see Anne Lammot today thanks to my sweet friend Laura Neff. Anne said all kinds of stuff that I found fascinating and I liked listening to her. I imagine tomorrow’s morning pages will tell all. And so will I. Eventually. Word count: 1654
  • Day 11: Several times during this running update of NaNo progress, I have written about how hard it has been at times. I was thinking about that today, the idea of something being hard. I wonder if by thinking something is hard, I make it harder by my preconceived notion of difficulty? Listen, I am not ready to say something crazy like “writing is easy!” I am pretty sure all kinds of authors of any ilk would likely want to hurt me for saying something like that. But I want to try a little experiment with myself. Instead of sitting down to write, thinking about how hard it’s going to be, I’ll try simply sitting down and writing the number of words I need to write that day. How hard can it be, right? LOL – Come on, that was fucking hilarious – you have to admit. Anyway, today I did a lot of backbone work. Hearing that interview with Angela Lauria probably saved my NaNo ass. Word count: 1914
  • Day 12: Well, I wasn’t thinking about how hard. But damn! I was SO sleepy! I had to really work to stay awake. Yes, my book is THAT exciting! Actually, it is – to me, anyway. I am pretty sure the fatigue was some sort of cosmic form of resistance although I didn’t read anything about resistance making a person sleepy in any of Stephen Pressfield’s books. I battled through and got my quota in. And now I am going to crawl into my warm, cozy bed and read Gone Girl. I’m to the part where we find out Nick has a mistress. Asshole. Word count: 1726
  • Day 13: I made a very important discovery today. It’s called the lunch induced coma. I left the office about 3ish to take back some boots before sitting down to write and I could hardly keep my eyes open. The carb/sugar combo I had earlier was too much for my system. Once I got home, I had to take to a nap. Don’t laugh but I found this significant because it meant that my writing yesterday wasn’t that boring. I had soup with a bunch of noodles yesterday. And I went to Target. Shit… maybe it’s not lunch but shopping that is knocking me out. I intend to try an experiment with food to see if I can skip the coma part of my day. It takes away from my productivity. And no, I don’t want to become a work-a-holic robot but I do want to do my work. Whatever that is. I want to live my life and that means being awake to do my work, exercise, have fun, watch movies, take pictures, read books, pet cats and dogs and all the stuff I love to do. I thought everything I wrote yesterday was awful but I looked at it today and it’s not that bad. It needs a lot of editing but duh! the entire thing will require some 9th level editing/re-writing/gutting. I have to remember that NaNo is a time to get words on the page. I’ll sift for gold after. (Ha! No delusions of grandeur here!) Word count: 1650
  • Day 14: Hmph.. Well, I guess I didn’t feel like updating today. Funny, I completely forgot. I must have been tired although the writing went well. Word count: 1785
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