I am in a dangerous head space. I am thinking thoughts that could easily take me out of my happy world and plant me square in another one where people are not to be trusted. Where relationship is less about connection and more about confused pain. A place where the illusion of separateness fuels fears that I really am alone in the world.
I could be really fucked here. Except…
Thanks to the gods and the humans who taught me to know better, I do. Even while looking down this very black rabbit hole, I am graced with the awareness that these thoughts are just thoughts. They are not real and I am not obligated in any way to believe them. Nor do I have to attempt to banish them, change them or resist them; No, that would be like handing them an engraved invitation to stay the night. And I want better company in my bed.
Just writing this has been enough for several of them – the smelly thoughts – to head for the door. The other free-loaders will leave too. Soon, another batch of thoughts will come along and I will feel better. Probably. I know my default headspace is happy so yeah, I feel pretty confident in this.
In the meantime, I will breathe. I will feel. I will take care of myself. Not with chocolate or wine or sex or whatever. But care. I will breathe and I will remember that the surest way to connection, available to me 24/7 is to simply say, silently to myself “connect to source” and let the love settle around my shoulders. That’s what connection feels like to me, a warm embrace shared among the all the living beings with whom I share this experience called life.
What was I saying about feeling alone? I forget…
Thank the gods and humans who taught me to know better.