Shimmery Choices and Frowning

We know everything we need to. To rise. To excel. To be who we wish to be. There are no secrets. No doorways that some are barred from crossing while others – with the right password, i.e. money, position, education, etc. – are granted access. We each have everything necessary available to us, all the time to be the humans we wish to be.

There are books and movies and people who are smart and knowledge we can learn. Teachers are everywhere. All that is required is a desire for our own rich human experience. Ours. Mine. Yours. Not theirs. Not someone else’s. Ours.

And a willingness to take one action at a time. Even tiny ones. One tiny action taken again and again. Moving forward, however incrementally, even when you can’t see the whole path; Only the one your feet are on now. Take the step, knowing the ground will meet you. You might stumble. So what? Everyone does at one time or another. It keeps things interesting. Get up. Keep going. Love yourself the entire time.

This knowing flitted through my brain as I lay in a half-sleep state, about to get up from my nap one afternoon. I felt like starry, effervescent molecules were dancing all around me, tempting me to see. See bigger. I felt so comforted and excited. And elated. What will I do with this new awareness? I don’t know. What I want to do, I imagine. *grin*

The after effect is that I feel like I am sitting on a dock, looking out into a sea of possibility, watching options bob in the shimmery water and knowing any one them = a choice I can make. I am allowed. I’ve known of possibilities existed before but there is a difference between knowing on an intellectual level and knowing.

Today, I woke before the alarm, happy to get up and begin my day but soon found myself in the most pissy of moods!

WTF? What about all my choices, bobbing in the shimmery water?!

They are still out there.

One can still take those action steps, even when one would rather pummel something. I have discovered this first hand!

I am betting that tomorrow I will be in a better humor. Just because I know these fickle little moods; they don’t last. Pissy today. Tomorrow… who knows.

What I do know is that I am glad I did something creative today. It was tempting to ignore my foul state of mind. Or mask it by watching television or finishing off the pint of that straight-up-damn-good ice cream in the freezer. Ooh, how about some carbs?!

I realize I am denying myself a grand opportunity to heap some guilt with a sprinkle of self-loathing on my current low state but shit, I don’t want to be an over-achiever or anything. That would just be showing off.



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