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Creative Fit In Process

I’m taking an online painting class. Did I mention that? Probably not… But I am loving this class. It is with Flora Bowley and it is all about brave, intuitive painting. Right up my alley in every way.

We’ve gotten to the part of our class where we are adding imagery to our paintings. Mind you, this doesn’t have to be recognizable imagery – it can be shapes or colors or whatever. Total creative license. All I have to do is put some paints on my pallet and let go.

Can you guess what I am about to say? 

I could not have a tighter ass grip on my letting-go-ed-ness!

I have been working for the last hour and a half and I hate my painting. HATE it!

God, it feels good to say that…

Who knows why this particular part has me strung out. Wait, I know exactly why… because I can’t get past the thinking that I need to draw and I cannot DRAW! Except sometimes I surprise myself and again, it’s not like anything recognizable needs to happen on the page or canvas. I am totally buying into the thought that since I can’t draw well (even though I haven’t had any classes or practiced at it much – WTF?!) then I am not nor will I ever be an artist…. and I’m smiling now because that is such bullshit. I don’t think I’ve ever had a more bullshit thought in my life.

This is not a big deal. It is such a relief to know that all I’m dealing with here are some thoughts run amok. They will pass, all on their own – faster if I don’t engage with them any more than I already have by writing this very cathartic post.

A break. A bite to eat. A glass of wine perhaps. Damn, a few minutes of some blissful meditation…

I’ll invite my joy to join me again and have another go at it.

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