I saw an episode of The Good Life Project featuring Erica Napoletano. Wow! She had a plethora of good shit to say. I was hanging on every word and when the video ended, I went straight to her site for more magic. After a good, long session of binge reading her blog, I was ready to sit at her knee, gaze up at her adoringly and call her momma in a creepy, cartoon-like voice. This woman is my new idol. And she’s from Texas. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen somebody from the home state that made me want to do anything besides renounce my citizenship.
She also pissed me off just a little bit. Not because of anything she did or said. She could do no wrong… she is perfection in a red-headed female. An example of how it’s done. It was more like while I was reading/drooling all over her website, I kept thinking ‘this should be me’. Okay, no. Not in some weird, I want to stalk her because part of my psychotic brain has hallucinated that she stole my life and, therefore, must pay sort of deal. It’s really just good old fashioned jealousy. Because I could be her. Okay, again no. I don’t mean HER her. I mean I could be further along in my own dragon slaying.
What a gift, jealousy. There’s not much better for illustrating what you might want to change in yourself than a big whop upside the head by the Green Envy Goddess. That’s her job, ya know, to hold up a mirror and say “Hey Precious! You wanna get off your ass?”
But wait, there’s more…
Beautiful friends and a Tarot deck. Sitting around a dining room table, taking turns reading the cards. Just for fun. Except the reading I got was a second whop upside the head. From the Universe. With a sweet message that sounded remarkably like “get the fuck off your ass!”
I’m smiling… My life could not be any more lovely. I had a shitty life. I learned some really awesome (and not so awesome) stuff about myself and I turned it around. I am still learning awesome stuff and I have made a very good life. Not perfect. But very cushy. Very comfortable. Like the soft, pink satin inside a deluxe model coffin with the super-duper seal to keep the worms out.
Now I’m laughing. Because honestly, I can crack myself up on demand!
Here’s why all this is excellence and why I’m smiling and laughing, even while realizing I have so much more to do. This “so much more to do” is a want to. Not a have to. I hit the luck lottery in realizing that growth and change doesn’t have to be fueled by the “big, bad thing”. I joke and swear a lot but seriously, I am deeply grateful for my cushy, comfortable life. I worked hard for it. I can get downright teary eyed from the gratitude I feel on a daily basis. From this place of goodness, I want more and I’ve known I wanted more for awhile. But fuck me if I don’t let fear and doubt keep me from doing more of what I love. More of what I want. More of what will might-possibly-maybe land me a spot on my own episode of The Good Life Project.
Ha! I just came up with the mother of all life plans… Live a life that will catch the eye of Jonathon Fields. Can’t hurt!
In the meantime, I hear ya, Universe. I’m goin’. I don’t have it all figured out yet but 1) I never will, 2) thank the gods for that and 3) what a thrill ride this life thing is!